i want this to be my wedding song! i wanna cry!

ERIC BENET - THE LAST TIME

purest of pain

Son of four - Purest of pain

sober by kelly clarkson

And I dont know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothings real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts Ivebeen saving
So here I go with all my fearsweighing on me

Three months and Im still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept theflowers
But I know its never really over

And I dont knowI could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catcha glimpse of me
So I wont worry about my timing, Iwant to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no notthis time

Three months and Im still breathing
Been a long road since those hands
Ileft my tears in but
I knowIts never really over, noWake up

Three months and Im still standinghere
Three months and Im getting betteryeah
Three months and I still am
Three months and its still harder now
Three months Ive been living herewithout you now
Three months yeah
Three months I hurt
Three months and Im still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up
Three months and Im still soberPicked all my weeds but kept theflowers

help me how to do it...

I used to relate myself to a song "everybody`s changing",
'So little time Try to understand that I'm Trying to make a move to stay in the game I try to stay awake and remember my name But everybody's changing And I don't feel the same'
so true, coz i really don`t feel like changing, until a friend of mine, told me to stop and love myself, if i want to be happy...
Honestly, I don’t know how to start it, but I have to, it’s exactly a year since that feeling captured me... I will never ever forget that, but I think that’s the only way to move on and start, I have to forget every single thing, It seems like, I’m the only person who can’t move on,..
I always give myself an excuse and consideration that it’s hard to go on and forget, but it’s not, it’s just that I don’t want to...
I know I’m acting like a fool every time I remember what happened and still get affected by him...
So much of him, I have to concentrate to myself,.. I’m saying this and I have to do it, I have to it, I have to do it...
I don’t know how, but I have to...
I need to concentrate to my work, friends and self...
I have to love myself from now on, not anyone else, not him...

is this a gift from God?

I don`t know if what im feeling is true. All I know is I`m very happy today because of some reason...

why I cried?

I realized that I still like him when annie talked to me about him ... I thought I`m over him and happy alone, but hurt sometimes awaken me... I cried because of the pain and the thought that he`s ignoring and avoiding me, I cried because I was so mad at him that I even want to curse him... It hurts a lot to know that he`s now involve with someone else, I don`t know what I`m feeling... All I know is, I HATE HIM today!!!

confusion attacks...

I dont know what is it... am I insensitive and brave already? Or am I only trying to be one... Damn, I know I still like him, but I`m really tired of this feeling so I want to move in... I know I can and sometimes I feel I`m already over but its keeps on coming back... ahhhh....

what`s happening?

Happy Father`s DAy... I don`t have a Dad but I know He`s just there guiding and watching me all the way...

I love you!

Goodbye... go to hell...

Goodbye to you... as I loved and as a friend(?). I think so, coz you`re such a cold blooded person with no heart... you`re nothing but a user one and a fucking dreamer...

changing my career path

I worked as a call center agent before and as an accounting graduate i still have plans of becoming a Certified Public accountant, just like my brother and just like my mother expecting me to be. After I resigned at my call center company becoz of boredom, i mean doing the same things again and again.

After resting for almost 3 months I tried to apply again to start my career as an accounting staff, but after waiting for the fucking promises of the company three times to call again for the next liar`s interview, im still waiting here for nothing until inthe third company the HR pushed me to be their Sales Assistant because of my experiences while discouraging me in the position that I want... (accounting staff, that`s better for experience and while taking my review)... but at the end She promised me to call if I`m qualified or not, but she didn`t call as always.

After series of war with my mother because of being jobless or "palamunin" im still hoping that my brother`s promise to pay for my review will happen... but I think destiny says it all, my dream to review didn`t happen and the last call for accounting staff that I`m praying comes to nothing...

Until, I realized why should not try to be in sales, maybe, just maybe, that`s my destiny... to be in sales or in a job that is more on talking or using my PR, like working in a call center again... and work hard as I can, and try to be happy with that job... what if I get rich with that, Am I right?